Where the hell did you come from?

This morning i was talking to my fiance’ on skype and rambling on about how i just wanted to help people and he said to me ” Are you ok? Because i am worried about you.. for the last 2 days you have been obsessing over this mental health thing and though I knew you aren’t meaning to be negative you are and I don’t know what to do..”

It then hit me like a freakin Bomb and i realized Depression had set in. It came and smacked me in the back of the head when i wasn’t looking and I wasn’t even aware of it myself.. ‘Where the Hell did you come from?”   I was thinking. Effectively I think it was triggered when i found out about the death one of my best friends this week who committed suicide and the guilt i feel right now that somehow if i would of kept my promise last july when i spoke to him that i would not leave him again in which i did that somehow i could of prevented it from happening. It is with this guilt i will have to live with for the rest of my life.

My Fiance has never seen me in this state before and i had to explain to him that it is the time of year when it hits me.. 1. I have no warning 2. there is no reason for me to be depressed and no one in general caused it. 3. I do not know how long or how severe this is going to last.. then he looked at me and said It is Ok. We will get through this together.

It is amazing to finally have someone who understands me and to finally have someone who is going to help me through this.. My entire life this is all i have wanted just someone who totally gets me and I was very blessed to have found John.. I wish so much he could be here right now but he is from austrailia and we are working on getting the fiance’ visa sent in and processed.. It was hard to see him leave in October after having him with me for 3 months and Our relationship is PERFECT!!  I think we are holding a record here because we will have been together for 1 year this month and not once have we had one disagreement or argument.. I think this is because our communication is so good that we talk about everything no matter how difficult it may be or even if i could hurt the other.. I don’t know why i was Blessed with such a wonderful man but it was definately God involved there.. And with him being half Aussie and half british he has that OMG sexy accent going for him as well. Seriously tell me what guy would offer to send flowers to your sick mother in the hospital? Sometimes i think i am living in some dream

that one day i will wake up and find out it was all an illusion.. and if it is I hope i never wake up

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